i hate myself because.........

im fat

i hate myself
cuz im skinny

these are the deep dark affirmations that so many women and men around
this world silently and sometimes confidently verbalize aloud to themselves
and their loved ones and strangers for that matter.

i can honestly say i have never hated myself for my
junk in my trunk but there have been times when i have felt
very overwhelmed and uncomfortable physically and emotionally because
of my weight.

i first began to notice weight gain after a loss of a long love affair

i blame the gain on drinking several 40z and smoking the herbs
that caused the chain reaction of burritos and sweets.

there was a brief period tho ...when i put myself together, put my big girl panties on and got my
stuff together. sobered up , stopped smoking and worked on my heart ache

and again...the longing for my old love started creeping back.
so i said to myself screw these big girl panties im sad, im hurting, i will never find a love like that again...(poor me)(and so not true)
soo..........

i started drinking and smoking heavily this time. the actions i made during this time are ones that make my heart (ache!!) and ones that im
positive have made lasting scars on my subconsious.
Yowwzie thank the Lord for Kundalini Yoga.

any ho... my point in this blog is i wanted to give a short example
of how i started my weight gain... and the cycles that brought on this gain.....for me it was suppression...i didnt want to feel.. cuz well
feeling... just hurt. so i ate and i drank.

now i know MANY are on the other extreme of starving themselves...
like the ache they feel within themselves isnt troubling and painful enough.

SOME cause more physical pain
by eating but then exercising to the point of punishment for eating. a vicious cycle of self abuse.

its painful that so many of us are hurting and have
began punishing and harming ourselves with one of the
most beautiful gifts on this planet. FOOD.

food is great i love it. and i am grateful.
but i also
realize the connections of abuse with it.

i feel one of the biggest
steps towards healing is being honest with ourselves about what our
relationship with food is.

the first step is self honesty.

are u abusing urself with food?
by lack of? are u eating but secretly abusing urself for eating and
exercising crazy to not gain one single pound? for nourshing yourself?
are u just not eating?

are u eating not for hunger but in order to gain that numb feeling?
do you feel like ur to fat but actually are at normal weight and height for your age and size? so u skip meals?

these are not healthy behaviors as i am sure u know.
and i suppose i am listing this blog in hopes that someone
out there comes across this
recognizes this... in themselves perhaps... and seeks help.

health is vital for true happiness and full healing.
help is out there.

U deserve happiness... health and healing.

i am going to add a euro tv show that i have become a fan of




several of these shows can be watched on youtube.
if you find it interesting.

i will continue to write about my journal of health and healing
i hope this was helpful
or at least insightful to the in and outs
of more people than you know.

please try and be kind to those u know. u never know what
they are secretly struggling with.

may you be bless on this day